what I'd like to be known for

Do you ever see connections within the TV shows you're watching? Or the conversations you're having? Or the books you're reading? I don't mean just mentioning the same thing to several people, or watching only crime shows. The connections I'm thinking of are subtler, harder to trace. A character in one novel might prefer an orange dress; a friend will happen to mention that she's been buying a lot of orange clothes. At first it seems coincidental, but as the events keep piling up, they seem to be pointing you further and further in the same direction.

This is the way I've been feeling lately. This quote, and others like it, have been appearing in snippets everywhere:

“One day, you’re seventeen and you’re planning for someday. 

And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. 

And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.”

― John Green

This terrifies me.

I feel like it's a warning: stop thinking you can plan anything. Stop thinking you have time to waste. (Which is a good thing... but I panic, and then can do nothing.) Do you ever have times when you feel paralysed, caught in time, waiting for something to happen? I feel as though my life has been put on pause, and I'm not quite sure why.

For this reason, this list, from Moorea Seal's list project, was surprisingly difficult for me to write, because I don't know what I want.

(is this clear enough? if not, please tell me so I can change it for next time)

On the whole, this seems fairly comprehensive... it also makes me wonder, am I already some of these things? If people who know me read this, would they laugh at just how off the mark I am? (I hope not.)

One notable exception (in my mind, at least) to this list was smart. I have been known for being smart my entire life, and I'm so tired of it. Being known as 'the smart girl' is exhausting and, in a way, dehumanising. You're not supposed to have weaknesses. You're supposed to be the one who has the answers, who doesn't care what other people think of you because you're just the brain... but that is not all I am.

What about you? What do you want to be known for?

unfaithful

My confession for this week: I am a cheater.

I just can't help it. It's just too easy. It's not my fault- there are just too many temptations all around me. Why confine myself to one set of pages when I can so easily move on to another more exciting?

...by now you may have guessed that I'm talking about books.

Really, though. This is a serious problem, and one that should garner more support. I can't be the only one who finds it difficult to read one book at a time. There are just so many exciting ones out there that I can't wait to read! I can't help it if, sometimes,

And it's not only books, either. I also cheat on:

• healthy eating (okay. It's Easter. If you haven't eaten too much chocolate, I will be both impressed and tempted to slap you) 
• fashion (aka yes, I wear sweatpants in public sometimes... -hides in shame-)
• my favourite shows (I can never decide which one I prefer. They must all feel so slighted)

The worst part, though, is that I sometimes cheat on...writing?

How does this work, you might ask? How can you 'cheat on' an activity? It has no emotions... well, that's as may be. As anyone who has ever enjoyed a novel will tell you, books are very real indeed, and when you're actually beginning to write one, this problem (and oh yes it is a problem- there are voices in my head. No wonder writers are frequently considered mad... we have borderline multiple personality disorder) is magnified. When there are so many delectable new situations to write about, how can I pick just one? When my muse abandons me (probably to go eat chocolate. It is in my head, after all) is it so wrong to go explore a new story?

...judging by the piles of paper everywhere in my room, all relating to different storylines, I'd say yes.

What are some things you cheat on?

Oh, and to continue the literary mood, here's my current favourite song! (I might soon dump it, but for the moment we are deeply in love.)

Happy Easter, blog ninjas!

random travel musings

So here we have it: the conclusion of this series. Did I actually learn anything in my travels, or am I still the same silly girl obsessed with perfectly painted nails?

...Yes to the latter half (my nails were bare the entire trip and it felt as though there was a Piece Missing from my Soul)... but I'd like to think that I'm a tiny bit more cultured. (Looking at the Mona Lisa must count for something, right?) Either way, here are some thoughts that occured to me along the way!

-I could not permanently live with roommates in the same room. Much as I love them, I do not have the patience to deal with anyone else's mess (let's face it, I can barely deal with my own)... yet another reason I have to get an apartment-style residence at university!

here we are, all cute and jet-lagged

-Food in Europe is much more expensive than food around here, as well as coffee being in tiny servings. (You know a small at Tim Hortons? Think half that amount, for three times the price.)

-...but the boys are really really cute #hormones
so it works out.

-The cars in Europe are just SO MUCH CUTER than anything you see around here. Really.

That is the most adorable thing I've ever seen, give it to me now and note also the cute little scooter

-However walking across crosswalks was terrifying... you basically had to put out a hand and hope that no one would hit you. (Rome earns a special mention for this... needless to say, my loving friends made me walk first every time.)

-What do Italians have against toilet seats? It's one little piece of porcelain, and it makes life so much easier. I lived in fear of falling into the toilet every day.

-We heard much about the "pique-poquets"...seriously. Every. Single. Day.

Say it in a French accent. You won't regret it.

-France had so. Many. Sephoras. (And MACs too!) There was even one in the train station! (Might as well look good while travelling... you never know when you'll meet the love of your life!... why yes, I watch a lot of movies, why do you ask?)

...and that's that. It's strange; the more I travel, the more I desire to travel. Once I see a tiny piece of the world- and really, in the grand scheme of things, I've visited no more than a sliver of the map- I can hardly wait to explore other exotic locales. (The places I want to go... that could be a post all on its own!) Unfortunately, I face that great dilemna; a lack of funds. (What kinds of discoveries could exist were money not an object?)

Oh well, I might be a broke student right now, but that won't last forever. Soon enough, I'll be a famous author (feel free to name-drop and say you know me), wearing gorgeous clothes (that is a definite requirement for any job I may hold in the future... and actually a primary reason I decided not to become a paleontologist) and free to jet-set all over the world and call it research! (Uh-oh. You now know my master plan. Don't tell!)

What's your current dream?

how to write

It's exam time. And you know what that means... lots and lots of writing. Essays. Study guides. You name it, I've probably written it. (Except for spellbooks. I'm sure I'll get around to that eventually, though!) By this point, I could be considered an expert... and so, I decided to share my wisdom! 

Zia's Essay*-Writing Guide

*these steps can be used for any** written text that someone else will see
**except not for blog posts because in that case, the randomer*** the better
***example of word not to use 

1. Read/decide on subject.
2. Stare blankly at the ceiling. (Repeat for as many minutes as necessary, or more.)
3. Write ideas.
4. Realise that more than half of ideas have nothing to do with the subject.
5. Get distracted by own writing. Practice signature or write song lyrics all over idea paper.
6. Erase everything, so vigourously that paper tears.
7. Scrounge new paper.
8. Write down a few more ideas. Manage heroically not to be distracted for more than five minutes.
9. Get distracted, this time by people singing Backstreet Boys songs and dancing along. (In all fairness, this is very distracting and you may be forgiven.)
10. Start actually writing.
11. Look up words because the ones you're using are more appropriate for a sixth-grader.
12. Look up other things because it's more fun than writing.
13. Give self a vigourous mental slap.
14. Keep writing.
15. Realise that writing, like ideas, has diverged so far from the subject as to be practically irrelevant.
16. Erase five-eighths of work.
17. Repeat steps 8-16 (with a judicious amount of step 2) until you no longer have to repeat step 16.

And there you have it, dearest ninjas: how to write. One day, when I am a famous author, you will all read this and be amazed that I ever became a famous author, what with all the blank staring that went on. (Really, this occupies at least forty percent of the total writing time.) Is this how your writing process goes?

absolute anticipation

Right now, I am being my usual cool self... and working on UNIVERSITY SPREADSHEETS! (Is it sad that I'm actually excited by this... nahhh?) I'm sure that, when I'm older, I will be impressed by my own work habits... or maybe I'll just think, wow, I used to be kind of a weirdo. (Which is a word I need to banish from my vocabulary. It sounds so unsophisticated. Any suggestions?) I worry about what my future children will think... LOLZ JOKES, I'm never having kids, so no worries!

Anywayyyys, all of this planning-my-future deal is no use if I don't have a concrete idea of where I might head after, right? So, I decided to compile a list of jobs I could do in the future!

• Paleontologist. If you think I'm obsessed with dinosaurs now, trust me when I say it's NOTHING compared to when I was little. When I was two or three, I knew the name of every single dinosaur out there. (No lie.) I carried little dinosaurs around with me and corrected store owners when they said the names wrong (1- I have no memory of this and 2- I seem to have been a bit of a know-it-all). All that to say that I think I could do a pretty great job... especially if I got to wear my dinosaur hat all the time!

I mean really. How is that NOT cool?

• Writer. This would be, hands down, dream job of my life. Writing... all the time... Not talking to people... hanging out in coffee shops... (Okay, so obviously this is unrealistic, but let me have my dreams!) Seriously though, if I could make money off stories/blogging/poetry, my life would be complete. 

• Ninja/spy. If watching James Bond and Spiderman allows you to qualify for this, then I am definitely ready! (Waiting for those job offers now, CSIS.) Honestly, as much as I love 007 (FINALLY got to watch Skyfall! I've only been waiting since SUMMER after all... seems like forever...) I think I would do a far better job than he would. I mean, blowing up embassies? Crazy car chases? Please. I would be far less conspicious. (Now remains only to select a cool alibi...) 

I mean, come on. How is that not a spy face? Wearing those around... I'd be sure to get the job done. 

• Tea developer. How fun would this be? The idea of thinking up crazy new flavour combinations and/or names intrigues me. (However whenever I tell friends this, they're like... really? That's possibly the lamest profession ever.... For which I say only, SOCK DESIGNER.) When I live in a larger city, I actually plan on BEGGING for a position in a store like David's Tea. (Seriously, watch me. If I can't get one through an interview, I plan on simply hanging around until they get so sick of me that they decide to hire me... Hmmm, writing this down, my logic seems flawed.) 

Speaking of, my latest want is Earl Grey Cream from Teavana. Doesn't it look luscious? 

• Editor. If I don't end up writing professionally (note the adverb, I'll ALWAYS be writing, even if no one ever sees it) I'd love to be able to look over other peoples'. I'm the type of person who actually enjoys replacing commas and offering suggestions on character development... or maybe this just means I'm a little Miss Bossypants. (Also very possible.)

What about you? What kinds of jobs did you dream of when you were in highschool?

the summer i was sixteen...

I recently read the poem The Summer I Was Sixteen and it made me think back over my own summer. (Can you tell my mother is an English teacher? Maybe just a bit.)

I'm not saying I actually did any of this. I went swimming exactly once with two small girls. I don't like cotton candy. I think sunbathing is rather silly (who wants to look like leather when they're fifty? not me).

It was the feel of it that struck me- that thought that you are free, that you can do absolutely anything. So, before fall officially starts (it's just the second day of September! haha, I am so confused, at first I said it was over and now I've decided it's not... so here we go, I'll just keep writing before I get any more lost) I've decided to share some final summer highlights!

-University decisions. (Again, the whole teacher-as-parent thing... I highly doubt that this is a highlight for many people!) I finally decided that I'm going to major in English. (Because, let's face it... there is no way I could ever be sufficiently passionate about something that doesn't involve reading or writing. Who needs people when there are books around?) Plus, ROAD TRIP, people!

We experienced secret missions behind the Marker aisle. 'Nuff said.

-Reading. Really, one of the principal joys of my life is curling up with a good book, and I definitely managed to do this quite a bit over the summer! (Read: every day for at least an hour. What can I say? It's an addiction.) (Also Goodreads. Does anyone else go on there? I just get sucked in...) 

-Exercise! This one was hard at times... but definitely worth it. I worked out quite a bit this summer and I think it made a bit of a difference. (Maybe. Possibly. Or perhaps it's just wishful thinking. Still!) Here's one of my favourite workout videos- I guarantee you'll feel it after!

-Glasses. Call me crazy, but trying on new pairs of non-prescription glasses (name a shape and size, I probably wore them) filled me with joy.

Admit it, you want these.

-Big Bang Theory. I just started watching it... and it is SO FUNNY. So awkward... but it makes me feel relatively normal! 

-Friends. This is actually such a huge category... but I had to say it because I love them all and they are wonderful! From shopping....

(Yes, see, I'm not the only one obsessing over hats!) To playgrounds...

(There is no such thing as too old for playgrounds.) To art classes...

We did it all, and it was all wonderful. (Oh, and I texted them a lot too. Hahaha, yes, I am totally succumbing to cultural pressure in that respect... ah well, too late now.)

-Hipster princesses! So okay, this photo has nothing to do with anything, I just liked it. (I could totally rock some of those looks!) 

What are some top moments of your summer? 

This is also my contribution to the wonderful Alyx's linkup! 

a little story

Beware: this story may be confusing/odd/long/not really a story at all. Never combine writing with a longgg shift at work- you have been warned.

The soft shadows of dusk stretched their fingers across the playground, bathing the blue ground in a peaceful glow. Jenna closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Anything you can imagine is real. After reading the line on one of Tim's postcards- a generic, cheap one, to be found at any tourist trap, sent from India and Pakistan and Africa- she'd taken to believing it. What harm could it do, after all? In a worst-case scenario world like the one she so often found herself trapped in, she would simply remain on the ground. In the best case... well, she could fly.

And that was certainly something worth imagining.

Just visualise, her aunt's self-help books exhorted. Eyes still closed, she placed both feet squarely on the base of the... what was this, anyway? A swing? A ride? A....

Stop procrastinating and do it, she told herself firmly. She often found herself doing this, as though there were two parts to her personality, running on parallel railway lines inside her head. Jenna One was firm, driven; the kind of girl you wanted for a project, who could take charge of her own life.

This side usually lost.

Jenna Two was softer. She followed the easier path, drifting through life lost in her imaginings and caught between the thin blue lines on her school papers. Somehow this very insouciance made it easier for her to conquer her more forceful half. Why bother trying when floating was so much easier?

Because the journey is the most important part. If her brother, whose head was filled with nothing but dollar signs and briefcases, could travel to such exotic places- and be so tightfisted as to send back only cheap postcards, filled with such preachy sayings as that- she should be able to accomplish this one dream.

"What are you doing?" Jenna opened her eyes. A little girl stood in front of her, arms folded squarely across her chest. She blew an orange-scented bubble, and said firmly, "Big people aren't allowed on the turny."

Jenna met her eyes, noting the obstinacy in her gaze, and said, "One spin?" shocked at her own daring. The girl continued to stare at her, before finally nodding and walking away. Jenna One smiled; Jenna Two sighed and slipped both feet back onto the turny before she could be pushed off. Anticipation filled her, shining like a soap bubble above her head. At last, she'd done something right.

Spin, spin, spin, until all your dreams blur to shadow. Spin, spin, spin...

This is also my contribution to the wonderful linkup over at City Girl Gone Country and A Beautiful Day!

coolness redux

...Ok, so I don't even know what 'redux' means. (Hopefully it's not something obscene.) It sounded like a word a cool person might use... so I thought I'd stick it in. (You know you're not cool when... haha) Before I get my post started, I have a little public service announcement:

Amber would just like to say that he is far cuter than Darcy will ever be and sweeter besides. (Also, that Barbies are delicious... but I would advise you not to test that out.) He wouldn't leave me alone until I posted this and took a picture of him... but now that my duties as 'his person' are finished, I can move on to today's and yesterday's photos! (As always, the list of photos can be found here.)

11- Handwriting

Cursive...

And normal writing. Was anyone curious to see my handwriting? I will confess, I'm curious to see yours. I feel like you can see a lot about someone's personality by the way they write... does anyone else feel the same? Looking at mine, what does it say about me? (Do I really want to know....?)

12- The last thing I bought

I'll let you in on a little secret. You know how my house has ghosts? Well, did I mention we also have faeries? Yep. And not the pretty, sparkly Tinkerbell ones. Nope. We have klepto faeries. Who are constantly stealing fashionable things... like sunglasses and earrings. (One earring out of a set, which leads me to believe that they're then using them as necklaces.)

The loss of earrings is annoying, but the loss of sunglasses is slightly tragic. (Wouldn't want to start squinting and ruin my gorgeous makeup, after all!) Therefore, yesterday I bought some new ones!

These are my glamourous, Audrey-Hepburn-esque ones... In this picture, they make me look like a bug. I swear they're nicer in real life! (Especially since I tried on over 50 pairs. Sunglasses are SERIOUS BUSINESS.)

And my cool-girl ones. (Hence the redux.) I love how huge they are! What kinds of sunglasses do you have?

confessions of a teenage drama queen... writer

Attention everyone! I have a confession to make. I... write stories. For fun. (No guns involved, I swear!)

Yes. I know it's awful, and right now you're thinking- why would anyone even reveal that? It's just so awful! Why doesn't she just confess that she eats scorpions for fun, too? (Fun fact- I just spelt 'right' as 'write'. Why are typos so weirdly relevant? Except for when they involve lobsters or other crustaceans, which also seems to happen often.)

However, it's a facet of my life that just can't be denied. (Read: obsession.) The reason I truly came to realise this? Whenever I'm trying to avoid something, I start writing. Some people procrastinate by watching TV or talking to friends. I invent a new character. (And now you're thinking- wow this girl is a loser. First she said she liked math, and now...)

But on behalf of writers everywhere, I would just like to say- WRITING IS FUN! Yay for writing! Also, without writers, there would be none of those TV shows you're so addicted to... so just think about that the next time you're making fun of that girl sitting in the corner with crazy eye makeup and the weird old hat. (Who is totally not me. Cough cough.)

And another thing. Why is it that rereading things is always so painful? Looking at an old story I had written, I felt as though my eyes were about to melt out of my head and drip onto the keyboard. (I quickly had to leave the computer- it would have been devastating if I'd damaged it!) Although sometimes it can be funny too- like FUNNY AWFUL.

And the clincher? These were things that I wrote last year. How do actual published authors stand it? How will I feel in another year from now? Worst of all, how will I feel about this blog when I realise that IT'S BEEN OUT HERE FOR THE ENTIRE WORLD TO SEE?

...I think I'll just end this now, before my brain explodes.