what I'd like to be known for

Do you ever see connections within the TV shows you're watching? Or the conversations you're having? Or the books you're reading? I don't mean just mentioning the same thing to several people, or watching only crime shows. The connections I'm thinking of are subtler, harder to trace. A character in one novel might prefer an orange dress; a friend will happen to mention that she's been buying a lot of orange clothes. At first it seems coincidental, but as the events keep piling up, they seem to be pointing you further and further in the same direction.

This is the way I've been feeling lately. This quote, and others like it, have been appearing in snippets everywhere:

“One day, you’re seventeen and you’re planning for someday. 

And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. 

And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.”

― John Green

This terrifies me.

I feel like it's a warning: stop thinking you can plan anything. Stop thinking you have time to waste. (Which is a good thing... but I panic, and then can do nothing.) Do you ever have times when you feel paralysed, caught in time, waiting for something to happen? I feel as though my life has been put on pause, and I'm not quite sure why.

For this reason, this list, from Moorea Seal's list project, was surprisingly difficult for me to write, because I don't know what I want.

(is this clear enough? if not, please tell me so I can change it for next time)

On the whole, this seems fairly comprehensive... it also makes me wonder, am I already some of these things? If people who know me read this, would they laugh at just how off the mark I am? (I hope not.)

One notable exception (in my mind, at least) to this list was smart. I have been known for being smart my entire life, and I'm so tired of it. Being known as 'the smart girl' is exhausting and, in a way, dehumanising. You're not supposed to have weaknesses. You're supposed to be the one who has the answers, who doesn't care what other people think of you because you're just the brain... but that is not all I am.

What about you? What do you want to be known for?