further proof that i am not a novel heroine

The other day, when I updated my blog, I wrote in my profile that I was not the heroine of a YA novel. (Young adult, for the unitiated.) Now, this was mostly a joke. However, the more I read, the more I realise it is completely true. (Now, don't get me wrong: I love reading YA, and this is not a hating post- more of a sarcastic rant. Plus, there are definitely exceptions to all of these points... these are just some general trends I've noticed. You've now been warned, so please don't sue.)

Reasons:

-I am stylish. (No bragging here, I swear!) I've noticed that the great majority of YA heroines experience great difficulty in clothing selection and most often wear only 'a t-shirt and jeans'. Can you say BORING? (For a heroine who is most certainly not like that, I would advise reading Lola and the Boy Next Door... omg, crazy fashion tips!) Whenever they have a special event to attend, they rely on their friends to select an outfit because they are apparently disabled.

-I am not completely awkward around the other sex. Yes, I do have my moments (...frequently) but at least I'm capable of carrying on a sensible or flirtatious conversation without long interludes of toe-staring. (There is A LOT of that that goes on. Seriously, chapters could be cut if they would just have conversations...)

-I wear and experiment with lots of makeup. Similarily to point 1, heroines in YA seem to think that the use of a mere mascara wand is akin to running a marathon: difficult and requiring lots of training. They also frequently complain that makeup takes too long and when they do wear it, refer to every type of it as sparkly powder...
-facepalm-

-I exercise. This is seriously a pet peeve of mine. I have read maybe two books (the only one that currently comes to mind is The Truth About Forever, but there must be at least one other one) wherein the heroine actually exercises. How is it that they can constantly describe the delicious junk food they're eating... yet retain their slender figure while sitting on the sofa? (Please, if you understand this, share your secrets!)

-I am not a picky eater. (Many YA heroines are like "OMG what is that suspicious salad? GIVE ME FRIES!") Plus, I am hungry all the time. What is up with all these heroines who are all "oh, I feel tired/stressed/sad, I can't eat?' That has legitimately never happened to me in my life. 

-I do not have a 'secret magnetism' or a love interest ... there is ALWAYS one. It might not be the central focus of the plot, but if you are female in YA, there is a boy or occasionally another girl after you and by the end of the book you end up with them and it's all like SPARKLY LOVE RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS! ...yeah, so not happening. 

All this supports the fact that I completely fit into the role of best friend. I am the style consultant. I am the one who never quite gets the guy. Apparently this means I'm stuck being the supporting character for life. (Sigh.) Or maybe I just have to write my own story... (oooh, look at that deep metaphor right thurrr) Do you ever notice things like these while reading?